There are some great advantages to spending all day working on the internet. Easy access to the doughnuts in my fridge is definitely one of them. Another one is that I get to listen to my favourite music as I type. More Than a Feeling has just come after My Sweet Lord and my air guitar is getting a thorough workout tonight.
The final benefit is that I get to find out exciting new things on a daily basis. Here are some of today’s.
That the women’s tuxedo exists. I guess I already knew this on some level but it was still a surprise to see the name. Do men’s dresses exists as well? I just checked this out and it seems that they aren’t as popular as one might expect in this day and age.
You can go go karting for birthday parties? Why has no one ever invited to one of these bashes? I think it is a great idea and my next birthday (which ends in a zero and starts with an ominous number) could well see all of my guests whizzing around a track with terrified smiles frozen onto their faces.
What exactly are walking cradle shoes? They sound like great fun but I am worried that they are nothing more than pieces of footwear with a fancy, enticing name to fool people like me into buying them. Am I wrong? Footwear in general is a bit too dull for my liking and we need some new designs. What about shoes made out of tin or with webbed feet? I just had a look online and it seems as though there are more weird shoes out there than I had thought so maybe it is time to get myself some more exciting shoes after all.
Are Easter coloring pages what I think they are? My daughter is at that age in which she walks around the house holding a crayon and saying “pintar” (she speaks more Spanish than English) with a cheeky look on her face. She would like these pictures of bunnies and eggs but after a few seconds she would go back to drawing on the wall, my hands, her face, the bread and anything else she comes into contact with.
I must be jinxed. Yes, that’s definitely it. In the last year everything I have tried to do in the house has turned into a disaster.
I have already spoken at length about my carpentry problems but the problems don’t end there. For about 6 months (and I am not exaggerating) I have trying to get a shower cabin fitted and working. It doesn’t sound like a big deal but every single step of the process has been pure agony. Now the cabin is there but it doesn’t work and the water dripping from it is starting to ruin the wall. It’s time for some watery relief I think.
My wife now wants an outdoor pool fitted but I am trying my best to change the subject every time she mentions it. It would take 5 years for it get finished and frankly life is too short. Still, I can stall her by buying some Polaris pool cleaner and pretending that I am getting the pool built. It will probably by a couple of years before she even realises that things are going slower than expected.
Can I use Whirlpool water heaters to have a shower? I don’t mind doubling myself up and entering a washing machine, as it has got to be better than the bucket-based showers I am taking now. If it works I’ll start brushing my hair with the vacuum cleaner.
Could start a new water type hobby? I was thinking of water ski sessions. The real beauty of this is that I would take a bar of soap with me and have a good wash as I skip over the spray. Washing my hair might be quite difficult but it could still be good fun.
I know that portable toilets exist but what about portable showers? I could fit one of these in the patio and be done with it. I once used a shwoer in the jungle which involved a waterfall and a hose so I am not some fancy Dan who wants all mod cons anyway.
I hadn’t driven for quite some time until lately. I used to drive every day for my work in the UK but then I spent a couple of years in Spain without ever getting behind the wheel.
After a couple of car-less years here in South America we bought an old 4×4 and I am only now starting to regain the pleasure of driving. So what could make it even better for me?
I realise that the traditional use for the best carpet cleaner you can find is at home but the inside of my car is really dirty. A lot of the roads here are unpaved and because it is hot I tend to drive with the windows down, therefore allowing a steady flow of dirt into the vehicle. Add in the presence of my daughter, who lies on the floor and throws food and drink all over the place, and you can see that it is time to get some serious clean up work done.
I could also do with a full length mirror. No, I don’t intend to try on stylish new clothes while I am driving. The problem I have found here is that there is no control on the roads. There are few traffic 
lights, no traffic cameras and most of the roads aren’t even marked. To cope with this you need to look everywhere at the same time to try and avoid collisions. Well, I thought that putting a giant mirror up as my rear view mirror could help me stay safe.
Could I use Menards garage packages? I park the car in the driveway just now and if I am being honest it is getting too much sun about it. Add in the neighbour’s cat – who has a habit of jumping on it and scratching the paint- and it is clear that a garage might be a good idea.
Should I just ditch the thing and go for fibreglass hot rods instead? I can’t exactly tear up the highway in my old 4×4 ans since it got converted to gas it goes uphill slower than an arthritic tortoise weighed down with several bags of shopping. I have never been all that interested in fast cars but I am getting to that stage of life where I need to slap on my wig, fasten my braces and hit the road in style.
I can’t be the only person who thinks that 24 hour days just aren’t long enough. By the time I have done some work, eaten some food and looked after my little girl it is time to go to bed. That can’t be right, can it?
As someone who once lived a disorganised, bohemian lifestyle (ok, so I worked in a bank but I used to stay up till 3 in the morning listening to music). I can confirm that this is no fun. So what can I do about it?
Some closet organization ideas would be a good start. I used to work with a guy who would claim that he slept with his work suit on to save time in the morning. As I work from home that is not an issue for me but my wardrobe is so badly organsied that whenever I want to change clothes it is a huge hassle. Ideally I would like a robot who assesses the weather conditions and hands me the perfect garments every morning. Failing that some new clothes hangers would be nice.
Showers take up a lot of my valuable time. First I need to turn on the water heater ank then I need to, well, I won’t go into the gruesome details but you get my drift. Sometimes I am lucky 
and it rains heavily on a warm day, so I can just go into the garden and get a quick wash. However, tankless water heaters seem to offer an ever better idea, and it will certainly be more pleasant for the neighbours if I use one of these.
If I get some outdoor bar stools I won’t need to waste time going to the local bar. If I also get in some ultra bright lights and get someone to be sick on the floor I won’t need to go to my local late night food take away place either. All in all, it looks like I can get all the pleasure I need without ever going outside again, which has got to be a time saver.
I love a good picnic but they just take up so much time. Maybe I could find picnic table plans for express lunches in my back garden. I could put up a painted backdrop of the countryside and hire a cow or a sheep to wander past quaintly.
Isn’t it amazing how many things there are to spend money on in a house? I mean, if I were an eccentric billionaire with a generous nature I probably wouldn’t even know what to start with.
Thankfully I am an eccentric poor person with a frugal Scots upbringing, so it isn’t usually such a big problem. Even so, I still come across things I would like to have too often for my liking.
For instance, I would like a pergola, and whatever pergola covers are I’ll have a couple of them too. I love to sit out in the warm weather but the sun here is too strong for me (I know, it’s a tragedy) so I end up burned to a crisp and with a sore head after half an hour.
Do I want canopy bedding and all that which this would entail? Yeah, bring it on. This is for a 4 poster bed, isn’t it? Who among us can honestly say that they haven’t hankered after one of these at some point in their lives? Come on, be honest. The closest I have come is when I slept in a hard, wooden bed with a mosquito net (which had holes in it ) over it, and I know that this isn’t very close at all.
Some contemporary floor lamps sound great as well. My house isn’t really all that contemporary right now. In fact, I would describe it as slightly outdated crossed with a soupcon of Little House on the Prairie and a hint of poor taste. If I could make it look modern and chic just be putting some lamps in it then I would be a fool not to really.
Finally, I know that sunroof installation is really for car but I wouldn’t mind one above my bed as well. Maybe I could add in some wind down windows and a rear view mirror to turn it into a car themed bedroom. I always wanted one of those car shaped beds when I was a kid and since I never got one I might as well live out my dream now.
