There are few things I like more than going to a festival. I have been to one where they throw tomatoes at each other, one where they roll cheese down a hill before running after it and one where everyone stands around looking at potatoes and nodding wisely. This last one was a bit disappointing if I am being honest but the rest were great.
So what type of festival would I organise if I had the chance to do so?
I really like the idea of candy mold event? We could have a competition for the weirdest candy mold on show and, well, lots of eating. I just looked up to see if candy festivals exist anywhere in the world and I can see one in Budapest and one in California, so it looks like I have been beaten to the idea. Still, mine will be better.
What about an eyeglasses repair festival? I realise that this might be a kind of boring day out for anyone who doesn’t wear eyeglasses or who doesn’t need them repaired. However, if yours are currently broken I bet that you would be tempted to go along for a couple of hours.
What on Earth would a refinishing cabinets festival be all about? To be fair, even that potato fair I was at a couple of years ago beginds to appear kind of exciting when compared to this kind of thing.
Now a road marking paint festival would be a lot more fun than the last one I mentioned, wouldn’t it be? Who could resist the chance to splash some paint on the road along with thousands of other revellers? If this kind of event hasn’t yet been tried then I will definitely give it a go. A quick look on Google tells me that there are, perhaps unsurprisingly, no such festivals organised anywhere on the planet yet.
The town where I now live in has a history of social unrest. At the moment the roads in and out are all blocked by buses and taxis because the drivers want to increase the fares by the equivalent of about 10 cents of a US dollar. Is it really worth the hassle which this causes honest, law abiding citizens who just want to make a trip to the supermarket to buy some cheese? If not then would be worth protesting about?
For a start, I think that access to cheap furniture stores is a basic human right. When I lived in the UK I took the availability of self assembly wardrobes and stero units for granted. Now I have to pay a lot more for stuff which a craftsman has spent hours shaping and varnishing. It might sound good but it is a lot more expensive.
The taxi drivers would be better off asking for the local authorities to install a free portable ice maker in their vehicles. I would be only too happy to pay a few more cents if I could slip an ice cube down my shirt in the middle of summer. The drivers here don’t seem to have grasped the concept of air conditioning and always rolll down the windows while putting on the air up full, which just doesn’t work at all.
While we are also on the subject of local taxi drivers, I wouldn’t mind them all being forced to install a retro car stereo which played decent music from yesteryear. I am fed up with reggaeton and cumbia on every single journey. I would gladly block the city’s road if I thought that I could hear a bit of Neil Young or Jose Luis Perales in the taxis from now on.
Now I think about it, I have never seen a taxi here with a sunroof. Is the fight for sunroof installation worth the hassle? I am not really sure what the benefits of these contraptions are but if the fight to get them leads me to sitting on a picket line singing militant songs all day long then I am happy to find out.
There is nothing quite like sitting down to a steaming bowl of soup or a plate of delightful pasta and filling your tum. Eating is good fun and here are some top tips for eating more and being happier.
You could start by putting up some beer mirrors. I always have more of an appetite in the pub, so if I can fool myself into thinking that I am there then I can eat a lot more. The only thing I would need to do is buy lots of bags of crisps and peanuts, as that it all that my local offers. These probably aren’t the healthiest snacks in the world but they make me remember some good times in the pub.
Can the best steak knives come in handy if you don’t like steak? I am not a big meat eater but I like the feel of a big, sturdy steak knife in my hands. Could I eat my tofu surprise with one of these bad boys? I think the quality of cutlery you use makes a big difference to the enjoyment you get from your meals.
I could go fishing to get some food. Hold on though, our scaly friends are among my most hated foods. I would really like to be able to eat them but I just can’t stand the look or smell of them. If you could go fishing for ravioli or lasagne it would be much appealing to me. Can you imagine hooking a lovely plate of pasta and then weighing it and getting your picture taken holding it up? I believe that it how they fish in Italy.
Maybe I could use a centrifugal blower to make more interesting desserts. I have no idea how one of these things work but my flans and cheesecakes are sure to come out better after a bit of centrifugal blowing around the place.Desserts are things I never neglect so eat, so I won’t need to work too hard to enjoy myself no matter what machines I use.
There are quite a few contenders for the title of the best job in the world. Cake tester springs to mind, while I seem to remember a UK student getting paid to lie in bed for a month. We can do better than that though, can’t we?
Wouldn’t it be great to be a Montreal paintball instructor. I have always wanted to live in Canada and while firing paint at people isn’t a life long ambition of mine it does sound like fun. Can you imagine phoning and sighing that you need to work overtime, before running over and splatting a few more people as it starts to get dark?
I wouldn’t mind serving tea at a Mad Hatters Tea Party. I guess that it would get a bit racuous in there but it would be a lot more fun than working in a cafe or restaurant. While we are it I could branch out and make some more money by running tea parties for chimps as well. I could become known as the person who isn’t afraid to serve tea any person or beast, which would look excellent on my CV.
I have to confess that I have always been drawn to the highly alluring world of road painting. I could fill up my machine with road marking paint and head off to find unpainted roads. I reckon that I would feel pretty good about doing something worthwhile for society as I did this, and it would be great to see the results of a hard day of line painting.
Or maybe I could dress up as the Swamp Thing. I am not really sure who would pay me to dress up as Swamp Thing but someone somewhere must need me to do it. When I think about it, there are far more interesting jobs around than I had previously thought. It is just a question of finding the right one at the right time.
Is anyone else as fed up driving their car or using the bus as I am? I was just reading about transport methods which never caught on, like the bizarre monowheel and di Vinci’s clockwork car. So what useless new type of transport method can we come up with now?
I would really to incorporate a pillow top mattress into some sort of motorised vehicle. Just think how comfortable it would be. I remember seeing people pushing beds along the street in charity events so maybe all we need to do is stick an engine on a bed. Oh, and a steering wheel. Maybe some brakes would come in handy too
Could modern bar stools come with 4 wheel drive in the future. It seems like a very unsafe way of travelling and I guess that it would be a sporty option for fun loving bachelors rather than a sensible family type of mobile stool. You would know when your husband has reached his mid life crisis because he comes home from the office on one of these.
Woulnd’t jet powered patio furniture be a great thing for the human race? With this marvellous mode of transportation you could eat your breakfast while travelling to work, thereby giving you an extra few minutes in bed.
The problem with most new types of vehicle is the propulsion, isn’t it? This is why I would suggest getting small dog breeders to train their pups to pull along whatever bed, sled, stool or other vehicle we come up with. I have always liked the idea of dog sled racing like the eskimoes do so this would be great fun. Of course, the whole infrastructure of our cities would need to be re-thought. For example, instead of petrol filling stations we would need places where the pooches could take a drink of water and maybe chew on a bone for a few minutes. We’ll need some planning done for the poop issues as well I guess.
There are few things I like more than going to a festival. I have been to one where they throw tomatoes at each other, one where they roll cheese down a hill before running after it and one where everyone stands around looking at potatoes and nodding wisely. This last one was a bit disappointing if I am being honest but the rest were great.
What about an eyeglasses repair festival? I realise that this might be a kind of boring day out for anyone who doesn’t wear eyeglasses or who doesn’t need them repaired. However, if yours are currently broken I bet that you would be tempted to go along for a couple of hours.
