I see the Tour de France is on again. Am I the only person in the world who finds this cycle race just a tiny bit tedious? I am all for speed events and when I see the 100 metres race or something similar on the TV I wander off to have a look. However, a bunch of guys spending days or weeks cycling all over the place just bores me to tears. So what alternative race could I suggest then?
The Tour de Hello Kitty
What about if everyone’s favourite car got involved? All of the riders could dress up as Hello Kitty. Ah, how would we tell them apart? Well, instead of yellow or polka dots jerseys for the best competitors we could have giant pink bows and flowers for them, with Hello Kitty bedding tied to the bikes of the worst riders. I am beginning t0 like the sound of this race and I might need to take my little girl along to watch it with me.
The Tour de Beach
Having the cyclists ride along the sand in their bikes would be a lot more fun as well. To make it a really interesting event to watch they would need to wear old style bathing caps and beach dresses. One of the guys I went to school with used to wear an old swimming cap which was about 6 decades out of fashion. To hide his shame one day he put it on inside out, so that no one could laugh at the giant embossed flowers on it. Sadly, he forgot to take into account the fact that he would end up with the flowers embossed on his forehead. If you are reading this Mark and you still have it I would like to borrow it for my race.
The Tour de Chef
Dressing competitors up in chef uniforms and getting them to race around is another winning idea. In fact, they could toss pancakes or crepes while riding as well.
The Tour de Nails
It would look pretty spectacular is all of the riders had long acrylic nails. I have no idea if this would affect their gear changing or whatever else they do, but it would defnitely look pretty funny.