Did I Really Do That?

Isn’t it strange how the most random items can bring long suppressed memories to the fore? And they are never usually very good ones either, are they? I guess they wouldn’t have been suppressed in the first place if they were, would they?

Anyway, where I come from they call them kid’s footballs strips but just one look at the phrase youth soccer uniforms was enough to cause me to give an involuntary shudder.

In case you don’t already know, a football team consists of 11 players. In my year at school there were 12 boys so it was clear someone was going to miss out. Can you guess who? That’s right, during the trial I thought I did ok as I only fell over my own feet a couple of times but the cruel teacher left me out of the final 11. I think he still hadn’t got over my mother calling him by his rather inappropriate nickname at a parent’s meeting. She still claims that she thought it was his real name but who do you know called Mr Fatty?

Where was I? Ah yes, I had completely forgotten about being the odd one out in my class until just now, and just as I was adjusting to the fact that I was once a failure I saw two words that reminded me another hideous moment from my past.

You see bathroom vanity might sound to you like a nice piece of furniture but to me it is an hour of terror and shame. I once went, as a young dude, to the English holiday resort of Blackpool. The heady mixture of cheap amusements, drunken holidaymakers and tacky gift shops obviously went to my head as I inadvertently went into the ladies rest room (isn’t that a great euphemism; who goes there to “rest” anyway?).

The place was empty but as soon as I went into a cubicle to rest it filled up astonishingly quickly. To cut a long story short, I spend an hour cowering in there while an ever increasing queue of ladies with full bladders banged on the door.

Don’t even get me started on Halloween costumes and the time I went out in my pyjamas. So I started looking for an item which would give me a good feeling and evoke some happy memories. And do you know what? I realised that I had forgotten about far more happy events than bad ones. If I had to pick one it would be inspired by Peru coins, as the backpacking trip that changed my life included visits to wonderful places like Machu Picchu, Nazca and Arequipa in that great country.

What did I learn from all this? Firstly, never tell my mother anyone’s nickname. Secondly, look really carefully at the picture on the rest room door. Thirdly, sometimes sitting down and casting your mind back to some special moments in your life can be the best way to cheer yourself up.

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