Calling Planet Earth

Do you often think about what an alien would opine on some of the objects earthlings buy and use? I have to confess that I do and it is one of the many things which keep me awake at night (a leaking roof being the main one).

Why are those strange little creatures putting on padded clothes which make them fall about all the time? Ah, they are sumo suits. That’s ok then. I believe the aliens may consider us weird if they saw these being used but I don’t think that would be a reason for zapping the planet.

Have you ever stopped to consider how strange Montreal paintball is. Actually, I don’t mean to be overly hard on Quebec’s paint firing activities and I reckon it is an unusual thing to do anywhere. I actually had a game once but got splattered in paint all day long because the other team was filled with those scarily stupid guys who think they are marines or navy seals or something when they really work in a bank or a garage.

Speaking of being monumentally silly, what would our friends from Mars or Pluto think of  violin companies? Don’t get me wrong here, I think that a bit of Four Seasons is fine now and then but off all the stringed instruments I would find this one hardest to explain to ET and friends. Ah, maybe the ukulele wins actually but you get my point. You stick it into your neck, shake your body vigorously and get a noise like a cat running its nails downs a blackboard.

Would a decoration de confetti make sense to them? Let’s put it this way; it doesn’t make sense to me and I am from this planet.

Do I have any volunteers for explaining Batman pumpkin carving patterns to our alien friends who are here to assess our evolution and intelligence? No? Didn’t think so.

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