Have a Merry Weird Christmas

What’s the weirdest Christmas present you have ever been given or given out? I once got given an inflatable doll of a famous singer. This would have been fine if I had been 5 years old but I worked in a government office and shaved four times a week at the time.

Anyway, it is time for revenge this year.

I have an uncle who likes fish, cigarettes and carrying out DIY jobs. He would like nothing better than antique hand drills for Christmas. He helped me do some light carpentry work last year and I was amazed when he whipped out a plane which looked like it came from the land time forgot. I don’t know where he gets his ancient tools from but I later discovered that he has a house full of rusty old machines which he loves to use.

Are bullet molds considered a threat rather than a pleasant gift? I only ask because I had never considered any form of ballistics as a gift before. Maybe in the US this is a normal kind of present but where I am from not many of us have relatives who own working fire arms. I have always wanted one of those dinky little pistols which weigh about 2 ounces and which I could use to impress gullible people. Maybe someone will give me one this year.

Do I know anyone who would want some egg cartons for Christmas? I am not sure but I have a few lying around which I could wrap up and put a bow on. I’ll need to eat quite a few eggs before I do this but that shouldn’t be a problem really. Actually, maybe I’ll be nice and include some eggs with the cartons.

I have another uncle who hates fish as much as I do. Add in the fact that he hates travelling further than from his armchair to the fridge and it is clear that a saltwater fishing trip isn’t for him (although the other uncle would enjoy it). Obviously this touchingly thoughtful gift would be for his own good. I keep hearing how great it is to eat fish and how the fresh air makes you healthy. He could come back 20 years younger.

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