Winter Time and the Living is Tough

Don’t you just hate winter? Your nose gets blocked, the pipes get frozen and you need to drink lots of boring stuff like tea and cough medicines.

Once I rule the world (oh yes, it will happen) I will abolish winter along with snappy little dogs, coffee flavoured chocolates and tattoos. Until then I just need to find a way of living with this most depressing of seasons.

I guess I could check out importers of knit garments to keep me snug. What type of knit garments are we talking about here and where are they being imported from? I would quite like a Mongolian jumper and some Malaysian socks is that’s not too much trouble.

I like the sound of Insta Flame and I don’t even know what it is. I suppose it is some sort of heating appliance or flame thrower and if I am being honest either of those would be fine by me. I think the heater would be more useful when the temperature plunges below zero but I won’t be fussy either way.

Wouldn’t you sometimes just like to put up some out of season decoration? Outdoor Easter decorations in November and Christmas trees in June might be enough to confuse my body and make me think that I am in a different season. Actually, I am already pretty confused, having moved from one hempisphere to another. If I saw Christmas trees in the middle of winter I probably wouldn’t even notice that anything was wrong.

Don’t vintage snowmobiles sound fantastic? I would love to put some Chuck Berry on the radio, slip on my winklepinkers and head out to clear away the snow in a retro machine. When I think about it, a few years have passed since I even saw one, so maybe the ones I am used to are now classed as vintage models anyway. In the place where I live now it has snowed only one in living memory, and that was the kind of light dusting which we wouldn’t even have noticed in Scotland. There’s more chance of winklepickers coming back into fashion than me seeing a snowmobile around these parts.

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