Wouldn’t it be great to have a butler? If he or she were called James then I would be even happier. I have never been treated to this kind of service though, so I am not really sure what I could ask James to do for me.
Could he work as a searcher of records? I’ve got an old Mungo Jerry single somewhere I can’t seem to find. As long as he didn’t forget to bring my evening snifter of brandy (whatever that is) he could give the place a good checking out. Before long I ‘ll be singing away to In the Summertime again.
Could he work on a sunroof installation on my car? I really don’t know whether James would be offended at this suggestion. Maybe he wouldn’t like my car as it isn’t a Bentley or a Limo. He might suggest that it is a commoner’s car. These butlers can be frightful snobs at times, can’t they?
Would he mind giving some childbirth education classes if my wife get pregnant? I don’t mean to appear to be abusing James in any way but, hey, I am paying the guy after all. There are only so many snifters of brandy and cucumber sandwiches with no crust which I can handle in one day. I reckon that the geezer is going to be coining it in charging me money for sitting about watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and listening to my blooming Mungo Jerry record a lot of the time. The cad.
Appliance repair is something else the lazy sod can get stuck into while I am bloated on cucumber sandwiches and stinking of the finest brandy. These butlers probably know how to fix anything but don’t want to get their uniform dirty. Oh, and he can wash the uniform at the end of the day as well. I don’t want to see him all covered in dust and grease when he brushes my teeth in the morning.