Modern Art Is Great After All

Is it just me or does no one else understand modern art either? I once walked into a contemporary art gallery and spent about an hour trying to work out why anyone would want to spend an hour in such a place. I was also always astonished at those stories in the UK press about artists being paid tens of thousands of pounds to kick a can down a street or to pour yoghurt onto a pie.

However, in the spirit of the times I have decided to see what modern art ideas I could come up.

Firstly, I could buy some glass pipes, smash them all then throw them at a canvas covered in glue. It would probably make for a horrific piece of art but it would be a terrific way to release any frustration I might have built up during the day.

Or, I could go to an animals kennel and record the sound of dogs howling and cats purring. I would then play the recording in my art gallery (I will have one, won’t I? My house isn’t really ideal for showing off my precious art) as confused visitors walk past. Or, I could just have some cats and dogs howl from behind the wall, I suppose.

By throwing some spring garden supplies about the gallery I could make a haunting and ironic statement on the state of modern gardening. I think. Otherwise, I will use them to sort out my garden, which is looking a bit shabby anyway.

Of course, if I want to look the part I will need to wear some loggers safety pants as I paint and throw things around in an artistic manner. Actually, what do smart but casual modern artists wear while they work? I guess it must be cutting edge stuff which it is easy to wash paint off. Maybe I should look out that transparent, waterproof poncho I bought a few years back. If I don’t feel comfortable wearing it I can always dip it in the paint and then throw it at the canvas.

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