Not the Dentist Again

My dentist is a very nice lady who always smiles but going to see her still fills me with panic. The first time I ever went to see a tooth surgeon (why does no one ever call them that, by the way) I trembled with fear. The fact that the same thing still happens some 30 odd years later might mean that it is time for some new ideas.

I have never spent much time thinking about the best refrigerator 2012 has to offer but maybe I should. By thinking about such a seemingly mundane household item I might manage to forget about the huge drill which is about to attack my teeth like a Grizzly bear pouncing on a tiny, defenceless kitten. Of course, all those chocolate cheesecakes and eclairs in my fridge are part of the reason I need to go to the dentist anyway.

Maybe if I had better bathroom lighting fixtures I would be able to brush my teeth more thoroughly and avoid the dentist’s chair altogether. While I am on the subject, do you brush your tongue? I hate to be so blunt about the subject but my sister in law is studying to be a dentist and she told me I should do this? Is she having a laugh at my expense or is tongue brushing the new tooth brushing? Would people be horrified at my unbrushed tongue?

I recently talked about buying the best coffee maker around but is it really a good idea? I know the caffeine is meant to clog your arteries, overload your brain and give you ingrown toenails but is it bad for your teeth as well? Can you see what is happening here? I am having to adapt my life because of an unnatural and pointless fear of the dentist.

Wouldn’t it be great if they put you in silky chaise lounge chairs instead of those horrible clinical ones? I might even fall asleep on my next visit. Actually, this is another point I need to clear up. Do you keep your eyes open at the dentist or close them? I always close mine and now I am worried that I look like a weirdo. Still, the jabbering and crying probably already give the game away in that respect

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