What Would I Do with a Pet Monkey?

What is all this about that Bieber chap and his monkey? I have seen a few fleeting headlines over the last couple of weeks but I haven’t got round to reading the stories yet. Anyway, this got me thinking about the pet monkey a guy down the street used to own. It was a manky looking thing and if I had my own primate I think he would live a happier life than that one did.

For a start, I would buy him some Asics running shoes so that he could keep in shape. To be fair, I have never seen an out of condition simian but I reckon that if he started to eat like I do then he could easily pile on the pounds. We could go out running together and then have a couple of bananas together in the park.

Can you get custom polo shirts for monkeys? I guess his measurements would be a bit weird but I would like to see him try one on. Hey, we could get matching shirts for when we go out running and eating bananas. That would be great but would people see us and think that I was just too weird? I wouldn’t want to come across as a freak who dresses likes a monkey if I could help it.

Could my best buddy ride Pride scooters? Hang on, I have remembered a fragment of a song from an old TV series, “I am BJ McCay and this is my best friend Bear”. Wait a second though, was he a monkey or a bear? I certainly remember a chimp so why was he called Bear? That is the kind of thing which could confuse any sensitive simian and with so many great monkey names around what didn’t BJ choose one of them? Some friend he was.

Monkeys with Rolex watches would be cool, wouldn’t they be? I could get my simian one if he wants. After I win the lottery and buy a couple for myself, of course. I wouldn’t want him thinking that he could get anything he wanted too easily.

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