Who Messed Up Space?

I wrote a while ago about chucking stuff up into space but it was only a joke. However, I have now realised that the readers of this site have taken me too seriously.

The European Space Agency has said that the amount of space debris orbiting the Earth has reached dangerous levels. I realise that the only sensible explanation is that you all listened to what I had to say and started firing rubbish up into the atmosphere.

The European scientists have come up with some crazy plan to harpoon the floating garbage but I have decided that it is my responsibility to sort it out instead. Let’s see how.

As I am feeling a bit lazy today perhaps we could just sweep the problem under the carpet. WE could put landscaping pictures onto the windows (portholes?) of all spaceships and no one would ever notice the garbage. There might be the odd accident though, so I guess this is just a short term fix.

Could I release insects into space to eat all the rubbish? Anyone who has had gnats in the house knows that they eat up anything you leave lying around. The thought of loads of bugs in space with astronaut outfits on is pretty cool but I think I might be letting my imagination run away with me here.

With a tractor attachment backhoe I could… Well, I am not sure what I could do but I am sure that I could do something to sort out that blooming space debris. Actually, not that I think about it, why has no one ever invented a space tractor?

Perhaps the simplest solution would be to build lot of giant sets of spiral stairs leading up to heaven. I hate that old Led Zeppelin song but I have to admit that it would be whining away in my head as I tried to reach those old smelly socks you fired into orbit last year

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