Let’s Go to Mars

I just read that a couple will be sent to Mars in 2018. It’s all arranged it seems and the trip of 140 million miles will involve a flyby of the red planet but no time on the surface.

I quite like the idea of a lovely little trip to my favourite planet in our solar system and all I need to do is convince my wife to put our names forward. After that, it will surely be plain sailing all the way.

Actually, do you need a toiler paper holder in space? I only ask because I have always been confused by the subject of gravity free poop. It doesn’t really sound like the kind of thing which you want to make a mistake with if you aren’t going to put your wife in a bad mood for the rest of the 501 days you need to live onboard the spaceship.

Do they make baby furniture sets for interplanetary travel? I just realised that our littleĀ  girl is going to be too young for us to leave her behind in 2018. I mean, we can’t exactly leave her with my in laws and say, “we’re off to Mars, back in a year an a bit. Oh, there’s a spare change of clothes in her bag”. No, we need to get our Barney DVDs onto the spaceship and stock up on freeze dried packets of chewing gum.

What if we just decided to stay there? Apparently the space rocket (does anyone even still call them that?) is going to slingshot around the red planet and head back home like, well, like a slingshot. However, what if I applied the hand brake at the right moment and we dropped gently onto Mars? We could live in canopy tents and eat all that chewing gum to survive. It would be weird to look back at Earth from so far and wonder whether we had turned the blooming kettle off before leaving.

If we took enough landscaping shrubs could we turn it into a green and pleasant planet? With my luck with plants and the lack of oxygen on the Mars they would probably all die.

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